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Psycho Hosebeast from Hell

While on my way home yesterday, my daughter calls me on my cell and says "Dad, did you hear what happened here today"? Of course, I say no, and she begins to tell me this story.

Let me preface by saying that my son's girlfriend lives two houses away and has a great view of our house. She's 17 and her younger sister is 16.

It seems that sometime in the afternoon, two boys, around 12-14 were on the sidewalk in front of my house, shaking my brand new split rail fence, trying to break it! The two girls, had just come home from school and saw this and yelled at the kids to stop, the kids didn't so the girls started towards them (at which time one of the rails fell out). The boys ran behind my house (which is a shortcut to another street) and the girls followed to make sure they weren't going to cause damage behind my house. They yelled at the boys to leave (spewing some profanities I suppose) and the kids ran home.

The girls went home, and a few minutes later, the mother of one of the boys (Phycho Hosebeast from Hell, PHH from here on) starts pounding on the door of the girls screaming and yelling for them to come out or she'll call the police. Seems the boys ran home crying that the girls were going to "beat them up", never mentioning what they did to my fence, which by the way the girls fixed. The girls refused to answer the door and called their mother at work and told her about this.

Now I get home, inspect the fence and see it looks exactly like someone rocked both end posts back and forth to spread them to unhinge one of the posts (oblong holes in the ground where posts go in). The girls come over and tell me what happened, explain that there was another witness that lives across the street from me (remember this for later) and it's quite obvious to me now that someone was trying to break my property. I decide against calling the police, seeing as the kids are so young, but I try to call the kids house with no answer. I keep calling till after dinner when daughter suggests "call with a special code so caller ID won't see my number", I do that and the father picks up. I mention what I heard happened today, explain that I know boys will be boys, we talk like adults and he says "I'll take care of this issue, and I'm sorry for your trouble Mr. C." At this point, I consider the matter closed.

Ten minutes later, PHH calls, is real nasty to my daughter on the phone, screaming at me that her boy would NEVER do this, and he's an angel, and the girls were little witches screaming obceneties at her son, chasing him home... and the boy was in tears when she got home, scared for their lives. She goes on and on that they never touched my fence, her boy would never do this, and she wanted to come see it right now and I agree. No kidding, 30 seconds later she's screaching to a halt in front of my house, never looking at the fence, screaming and yelling at me with no good reason. By this time, my wife is home and she's out there and for the first time I've EVER seen, she got hot and told this lady in no uncertain terms that no little boy is an "angel" like she says. Lady has boy come out of car to show what he did, which he says he just leaned against the fence and the post fell out. I'm thinking, "BULLSHIT", but say "Ma'am, I'm sorry but this fence is brand new, I tamped the ground around the posts that were now enlongated holes". She still refused to look at the fence, and insisted that her son was an angel, I told her nicely that "boys will be boys, and maybe the other boy talked him into it" and she dismissed that too, all the while screaming. I also told her there was another witness but she shrugged that off. How I held my cool, I'll never know. She leaves and goes to the girls house, and I call to warn the father they're coming. He heads PHH off outside (doesn't want this idiot inside) and listens to her ranting for a few minutes before she leaves.

A man walking his dog walks up to me at this point, he had stopped and listened to the whole thing, not wanting to walk through this fiasco, tells us how he lives 3 houses from her and she's truly a nutcase. She's been arrested for breach of peace before, and was outside at 3am in a screamfest with her husband some months back.

The girls' mother comes over just then to talk to me (we're good friends) and while talking, I notice the mother's car drive by again so we go outside. She comes back screaming and yelling and leaves again. Twenty minutes later, she's back, with her husband. They stop at the girls house first, then come to mine. I shake hands with the father, and we talk for 30 seconds like old friends about how boys will be boys, and the mother jumps in screaming at me at which time I say "Ma'am, I'm speaking to him, please stop" and she yells out that she's talking to my wife which is pure crap. She moves around me to yell at my wife as I talk to husband. I explain that as far as I was concerned, when we had spoken, I considered this over. He heads to the car and she's still screaming (it's dark out by now) and daughter starts getting into the mix, telling PHH that this was settled until she got back into things. She continues to tell us what an angel her son is (girls mom is still with us outside) and I ask her if she's in touch with reality? I again explain that there's another independant witness and she should check with him, and she says she doesn't need any witnesses. I don't know why, but she didn't like this and gets mad and back in her car and screaches off. Girls father comes by to talk, PHH comes back yelling and screaming (did you expect anything less?) and leaves again.

Ten minutes later, we're still outside talking about this (all of us) and PHH comes back, with son in the car and calls me to the car. I go over and she says he has something to tell me. He comes clean about what he did to my fence, and I calmly explain to him that the truth is always better than lying, and that he had gotten many people upset this night. I explain that my backyard is from this point on, off limits to the shortcut, and thank him for telling me the truth. PHH then says "see, I'm not a bad mother am I" at which I kinda chuckle, don't answer and leave her car area. She then calls the girls father over to the car and says she expects an apology for the girls yelling obceneties at the boys, at which time I point out had her son not tried to damage my property, this wouldn't have happened and she doesn't agree. She ends up leaving once more (for good) and we all have a good laugh at her expense.

Go figure.

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posted by Dave at Wednesday, October 01, 2003